Monday, 13 September 2010

Thursday 26th August - Facts and Fictions

The Butlers en masse engaged in a most complex and extended undertaking this morning, measuring a modest artwork of threads and hues in three dimensions on behalf of the Festival Fringe Society, in order to arrive at a precisely calculated span of 425 feet 6 inches. As ever, one thing led to another and an exciting commission ensued, about which more anon. In the meantime, Fletcher was pleased to offer a degree of cognisance enhancement, uncovering information regarding the singular assassination of a British Prime Minister and the resonant plot of 'Logan's Run'. He then found time to deliver a delightful card and menus to a young lady in the Meadows, before assembling with Butlers Thompson, Jancis and Newsam for a most excellent repast with old friends in Brunswick Street, accompanied by delicate and inspiring animations. Taking their leave at a sensibly early hour, Butlers Fletcher and Jancis then made their way via inexpensive Edinburgh taxi to a bustling poker party, where they were pleased to serve drinks for a goodly spell to the grateful players. Following this, instead of properly retiring to their beds, they chose to seek out an encounter with the challenging legacy of Tadeusz Kantor, in so doing crossing the path of a certain Mr. Demarco, whose company these simple Butlers felt most privileged to keep. This was one late night which fully justified itself.

Fletcher the Butler

Wednesday 25th August - Corners and coinage

Butler Fletcher was relieved to indulge in a more leisurely chai this morning, before a massed Butler excursion to Fringe Central to reconnoitre an art installation in severe need of measurement. Thankfully, Butler Newsam was able to muster his advanced mathematical skills to formulate a calculating methodology, following which Fletcher dashed off to deliver an unprecedented second Butler missive to a fortunate recipient who was eventually tracked down in Zoo Southside. He and Butler Jancis were then called upon to partake of most pleasant coffee and cake with those geese who are gay in their subpontine retreat, but Fletcher could not rest upon his laurels as he was soon offering up what was, in pont of fract, a rather passable rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ to a surprised gentleman in a salubrious hotel, after which he was most pleased to spend an hour in the august company of Strindberg (albeit without helium). The evening turned out to be the occasion for a series of increasingly stimulating treats. Rather excellent Japanese physical mime preceded a happy encounter with a full mind, on whose behalf Fletcher had been asked to conduct some arcane research, at the splendid Bedlam Theatre. Suitably buoyed by an increasing awareness of the history of money – in particular the five pound coin – Fletcher and the rest of the Butlers then gathered for supper beverages with those ever-lovely fish who are kinky and new Summer friends. 


Fletcher the Butler


Tuesday 24th August - Leith and Love Letters

Once again, Fletcher was up with the lark, familiarising himself further with Edinburgh’s excellent public transport system as he made his way out to leafy Leith to surprise an unsuspecting couple over breakfast. Requests for missive carriage were coming in thick and fast so that, no sooner had he returned to the Old Town, than he was delivering messages of affection and comfort to grateful recipients at lofty hotels and crepuscular caves. Ms. Gardner’s attentions had thankfully not provoked too much demand, but the Butlers were finding themselves consistently busy, Thompson and Jancis with many and various flyering duties, Purcell with the provision of bedtime stories. Meanwhile, following a visit to the renowned Greyfriars Kirkyard the day before, Fletcher was becoming increasingly captivated by the life and work of a certain William Topaz McGonagall, that excellent poet and tragedian from Dundee. His researches were necessarily curtailed, however, by the arrival of a quiet four o’clock tea, followed by a productive spell ensconced upon the Royal Mile. An early evening assignation with some geese who are gay then culminated in a most convivial draught in the local hostelry to round off another satisfying day.


Fletcher the Butler


Thursday, 26 August 2010

Ten-Ball Table-Top Bagatelle Leader Board

Butler Purcell has been introducing the good people of the Fringe to the delghts of ten-ball table-top bagatelle. The current top ten are:

440 points - Martin Gibbons
410 points - Tom Chisholm
405 points - Larissa Moran
340 points - Laura Garden (=)
340 points - Michelle McKay (=)
320 points - Bex Cox
290 points - Jules Riches (=)
290 points - Catherine Boyle (=)
285 points - Teagan Mann
270 points - Sam Field

There is still all, as they say, to play for.

Wednesday, 25 August 2010

Monday 23rd August - Certificates of Elevation

Certificates of Elevation have been awarded to the following Fringe venues, confirming their height above sea level (Newlyn datum):-


Venue   45   The Space @ Venue 45                         199ft   1in  (60.67m)

Venue 115   Zoo Roxy                                            260ft 11in  (79.52m)

Venue 260   The Space on the Mile @ Jury’s Inn        203ft   1in  (61.89m)


Fletcher the Butler


Monday 23rd August - Dawn Deliveries and Twilight Twitters

Today, despite the persistence of the drizzle (curiously lemon in its character), Fletcher was up bright and early to deliver a message to a delightful household in distant Pilrig. Stopping for a chai latte and a croissant in a most welcoming bistro, he happened upon a friend of old who leapt at the opportunity to utilise his services for another message, this time to a cafĂ© in Marchmont. Fletcher was to meet this old friend again later in the day, on his way to the wonderfully named Olly Bongo’s. Meantime, meanderings in the company of Butlers Thompson, Newsam and Jancis, punctuated by a rather tasty butternut squash soup and the purchase of brysselkex for a more sedate tea, led inevitably to yet another delivery, this time to a mystery address in South Side. The increasingly dismal weather failed to dampen Fletcher’s spirits as he sourced a most excellent haggis supper before a swift assignation with those fish who are kinky, followed by a rather soapy evening dram with Butler Newsam. By this time, Fletcher’s mind was in turmoil, following the unexpected revelation that he had been mentioned in technological dispatches by a certain Ms. Gardner, something which, although most welcome and complimentary, might somewhat increase his workload. Still, what is a Butler for if not to be of service? 


Fletcher the Butler


Sunday 22nd August - Fine Weather and Flash Mobs

The day being fine, the Butlers decided to take the opportunity to undertake their first measurements of elevation. Commissions had already been received to calculate the altitude of Venues 45 and 115, although Jeffrey Street proved a challenge even to their seasoned skills.  Fletcher followed these exertions with some delivering of messages and certificates, but these duties were necessarily curtailed as Butlers Fletcher, Thompson and Purcell were keen to sample the ample delights of the Royal Mile, where rather splendid teas were taken by all. Somewhat surprisingly, Fletcher and Thompson then found themselves donning gold wigs in order to conger through the teeming Edinburgh streets,

an activity that was thankfully little documented! Then it was straight off to Drummond Street, where an alarmingly colourful jacket was delivered to a gentleman who apparently ‘belonged to the 1980s’. The day ended with Butlers Newsam and Fletcher attending their first performances of the Festival, culminating in a cannibalistic feast in the very bowels of the city. Needless to say, the meal itself did not match the dizzy delights of the haggis pie that Fletcher had earlier acquired from his favourite purveyor, an establishment long known to bake well.


Fletcher the Butler 


Sunday, 22 August 2010

Saturday 21st August - Fish that are Kinky

Released from customary duties by their various employers, the Butlers converged on Edinburgh by plane, train and automobile. Having broken their journey with an overnight sojourn at the majestic Durham Castle, guests of the Wing Commander, Butlers Fletcher and Thompson traversed the impressive Scottish Borders and arrived first at the Festival accommodations, full of nostalgia and anticipation. Butlers Newsam, Purcell and Jancis soon followed, but there was little time for the social niceties as Fletcher and Newsam made their way swiftly across town to the salubrious surroundings of the Royal Scots Club, where they were able to be of service to arriving guests. It was inspiring to note how the Club maintained its strict dress code despite the Festival, although the clientele displayed a refreshing lack of those cloying ‘lardy-da’ qualities which frequently attach to such places. Fletcher then proceeded – delivering Certificates of Elevation as he went - to the more homely ambience of the Forest Fringe where he was soon giving advice to a young lady with aesthetic tastes. Finally, the Butlers assembled for a late evening malt in their traditional watering hole, the Pleasance Courtyard, where new friends provided an enlivening and fitting conclusion to this first day of our fifth year.


Fletcher the Butler