Friday, 17 August 2012

Day 5 - 16th August

My apologises, first of all, that I did not add a blog yesterday. The
unremitting revels (not my own, but other people's) of the Edinburgh
Fringe Festival for a time interrupted my ability to perform my
butlerial duties. But, as Butler Fletcher has mentioned, the Hunt and
Darton Cafe were able to provide me with their special tea which did
wonders to revitalise my spirits, and a trip to Summerhall provided
stimulating conversation with the many who work within those extensive
walls. It was truly an honour to converse with the many gentlemen who
came to speak with us.

As for today, it started with assisting Butler Thompson in the ballot
to decide the Royal Mile's street performers' timetable for the day.
It was quite the thrill to stand on the wall and write down the names
as Thompson proclaimed the plethora of acts.
I then hurried to a commission to escort a young lady arriving from
the airport, which was sadly cancelled at the last moment because her
flight was delayed and diverted. This also meant that Butler Jennings
had no need to drive to Glasgow, a task which he was most eager to

A gentleman wished to test the lengths to which a Butler might go to
complete his commission. This resulted in my purchasing an intriguing
varety of items from the local supermarket and publicly presenting
them to him. I also found time to collect coffee and soft drinks for
two young ladies, as well as introduce them to the tragic genius of
William Topaz McGonagall. They expressed an eagerness to further
research the great poet and tragedian, which fills my heart with
unlimited joy.

I was then commissioned to clean a kitchen in advance of a theatrical
presentation, and Butler Jennings and I set to it, scrubbing surfaces
and mopping the floor. I was even invited to view the show and was
presented with a jumper to wear over my butlerial garb, so that the
audience might not be confused by the presence of a Butler in a
kitchen. In the course of the performance I was required to sing a
song that reminded me of home, and chose the classic Simon and
Garfunkel oeuvre "The Boxer", which reminded me of my own dear Mama.
It was a strange feeling to see fellow Butlers in uniform as I stood
in hallways trying to look as inconspicuous as I could manage.

Thereafter I hurried to review the performance of a certain Mr Mann
(he of the full mind), whom I must most fully compliment on the
solicitous presentation of tea to the audience - truly a gentleman
after my own heart and that of every Butler. His full mind also taught
me much, such as the reason for only having one mouth and the world
record for eating Jaffa Cakes. Then, after escorting a discombobulated
Butler Jennings to the local piemaker's, we returned to our favourite
cafe where we consumed a teapot of their special pale tea with bread
and cheese. Of course, our bags had to be checked by the waitresses to
see if anything dangerous was been carried therein, a precaution to
which we were more than happy to submit. It was as we supped that we
received some exciting news from Butler Fletcher about an official
recognition and appreciation of our service, and the evening closed
with a sense of well-being as our faithful graduands joined us and
consumed a pizza of chocolate spread and ice cream.

Jancis the Butler

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